Wrong Turn 2 : Dead End DVD cover

I’ve been a long time fan of Henry Rollins, so when I saw that he was starring in the horror sequel “Wrong Turn 2” I knew that no matter how bad the movie might possibly be, there was at least one thing I would like about it. I just hoped it wouldn’t be so disastrous as to damage Henry’s credibility, because after all, he spends a lot of time criticizing others for making stupid decisions. After watching the movie, I’m happy to say that I still have complete faith in Henry’s judgement and his assumed authority to ridicule the general population’s lack of intelligence remains unquestionably intact.

The original “Wrong Turn” was a moderate box-office success  that paved the way for possible attempts to recreate that success in the form of sequels. This situation is usually a crap shoot as a majority of said sequels end up as direct-to-DVD releases with less than stellar reviews. This fact may be a handicap that the sequel “Wrong Turn 2” had been saddled with from the get-go, because it didn’t receive much respect when it was being produced. As a result, and I believe no reflection on the actual movie itself, it skipped the box office and went straight to DVD and b-movie purgatory, the Syfy channel.

Henry Rollins, Aleksa Palladino and Erica Leerhsen standing by an "apocalyptic" helicopter prop

“Wrong Turn 2” was definitely not your typical half-assed b-movie sequel. This was immediately evident in the fact that director Joel Lynch made the decision to not take the subject matter of the movie too seriously. The plot of the movie revolves around six “Survivor”-type reality show contestants who, while trying to survive in the wilderness of West Virginia, accidentally cross paths with a large family of inbred, deformed, superhuman cannibal mutants. Added to this group is Henry Rollins who plays the host of the reality show, Retired Marine Colonel Dale Murphy, a character who could give R. Lee Ermey’s Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann a run for his money.

Daniella Alonso and Crystal Lowe looking bored in the WV wilderness

The first half of the movie mainly centers around getting to know the intentionally stereotypical contestants so that you actually care about whether they die or not, and in my opinion, this is the best part of the movie. The character’s personalities are displayed to the viewer in a rapid-fire manner with plenty of inside jokes and innuendos that keep the movie rolling at an entertaining pace that would engross even the most ADD-challenged viewer.

Faux "Ultimate Survivor: Apocalypse" set

The stereotypes represented here are the cold-hearted “gothy” tough girl, the shy but logical “good girl” producer turned unwilling contestant, the lesbian hard-ass Marine, the all-American jock good guy, the slut trying to make it big in Hollywood using her ‘assets’, and the only seriously annoying character – the ‘stuck on himself’, thinks-he’s-funny-but-he’s-not wanna-be skater boy. The verbal interplay between these characters is genius. It pokes fun at the stereotypes, as well as reality show contestants in general. In fact, the first 10 minutes or so of the movie centers on a character played by Kimberly Caldwell, a contestant on the 2nd season of American Idol, that actually pokes fun at herself and other reality show wanna-be Hollywood ‘stars’. I was actually impressed by her acting in her brief, but memorable opening sequence and her ability to poke fun at herself increased my respect for her tremendously.

Inbred Cannibalistic Redneck Mutant

As far as the inbred mutants go, their main purpose is to provide the massive amounts of gore that this movie throws at the audience. If you have a weak stomach, no matter how cheesy the special effects are, the loud squishing sounds with gallons of fake blood and guts may still be too much for you to handle. Creatively impossible mutilations abound as the rednecks delight at finding new ways to torture their victims before cooking them for the family dinner. The redneck mutants themselves are hideous, but not in a realistically terrifying way. In fact, they came across more like ‘Muppets gone wrong’ to me…their deformed features looking a little too plastic and synthetic to be truly terrifying.

Mutant with a "fresh" hairpiece about to filet Henry Rollins

The second half of the movie pretty much shows the reality show contestants realizing what is actually going on, and trying to escape the clutches of the Muppet rednecks. This part was a little tedious as the smart-ass interactions between the contestants in the first half, was replaced with close-ups of the rednecks chomping, chewing andcutting away at the human flesh they were dining on for basically the whole second half of the movie. The movie could have been equally entertaining throughout if they had meshed the first and secondhalves together a little bit better. The second half needed more of the humorous one-liners to prevent it from slipping into the typical b-movie hacker/slasher formula that gets a bit tedious when dragged out too long. It was a mish-mosh of continuous killing and maiming that eventually got confusing, focusing too much on the interactions of the mutants which didn’t actually make much sense to those of us who are not mentally challenged by exposure to toxic waste.

Henry about to cap some mutant ass

Of course, the best part of the whole movie was the performance by the highly esteemed badass Henry Rollins. Personally, I know that if I was lost in a wilderness full of inbred cannibal mutants, I’d want Henry there to protect my ass. Immediately at the beginning of the movie when Henry’s character narrates the opening to the reality show “Ultimate Survivor: Apocalypse”, you know he’s delivering his part with the same intensity as he would one of his “Spoken Word” performances.

Henry Rollins, "The man, the myth, the legend"

Henry has the best lines, and the most awesome fight scenes that I’ve seen in any horror b-movie. When Henry goes fist-to-cleft-lip with the inbred cannibals, it’s almost a ‘tongue-in-cheek’ homage to a virtual “redneck Matrix”.  And nothing can beat Henry getting shot with 2 arrows and then barking at the Old Man Mutant “Is that all you got, Bitch?” Unfortunately at that point, Henry gets killed by a razor-wire chain that one of the mutants throws around his throat. Henry doesn’t have the unfair advantage of superhuman regeneration powers from drinking toxic waste that the mutants do and he ultimately must succumb in the end.

Kimberly Caldwell's chance to show off her pearly whites

Two of the contestants escape with their lives, the bitchy tough girl and the empathetic jock, thinking they’ve killed all the mutants, but of course at the end there’s foreshadowing about a baby mutant and a caretaker that survived, leading up to the fact that there is a “Wrong Turn 3” being released on Oct. 20th. Personally, I think it would have been more satisfying to have Henry Rollin’s character as the lone survivor and then he could continue the franchise, giving it a much higher chance future success. Overall, “Wrong Turn 2” was a huge surprise and it was a shame that it was straight-to-DVD when much more ridiculous horror sequels have made it to the box office. I give it 4.5 out of 5 cheese wedges for being consistently entertaining and providing an intelligent level of cheesiness by knowingly poking fun at itself…sort of a constant wink in the direction of the viewer while simultaneously satisfying our horror fix with plenty of gore and cannibal mutants.

"Open Graves" poster

The only thing that narrowly saved “Open Graves” from being a complete disaster was the fact that is was filmed in Spain by a foreign director. It’s long been a mystery to me as to why even “bad” foreign horror movies can still be scary, while the “bad” American horror movies end up just being stupid, almost farcical. I think one of the reasons for this is due to differing approaches to the use of cinematography. In foreign horror films, we often see the grainy auras, the fast blur-like movements, the feeling that what we’re watching is somewhat hazy, like a bad nightmare, giving the movie that element of “spookiness” even when the storyline is badly written. “Open Graves” starring Eliza Dushku  certainly imparts that “spooky” aura but it’s still not quite enough to make you forget that the plot that’s evolving throughout is pretty darn ridiculous.

Eliza Dushku as "Erica" and Mike Vogel as "Jason"

Eliza Dushku is an adequate actress but I don’t think that her “American surfer girl” persona really fit in with this movie. Besides her love interest Jason, played by Mike Vogel, the rest of the cast are either Spanish or European actors that are not recognizable in the US. The fact that these actors are from the area from where the mythical game board originates, adds some validity to the eerie-ness of the movie. Erica (Eliza Dushku ) and Jason however, stand out like sore thumbs…two “white bread” American surf kids surrounded by a group of passionate, mysterious Latin friends who were raised within the culture that created the legend of the cursed game.

Eliza Dushku (in a bikini) as "Erica" and Jose Casasús as "Novio"

It seems comical that Jason would be the one responsible for unleashing the curse of “Mamba” and that he and Erica would be the ones that take initiative to try and thwart the curse when they wouldn’t even be familiar with the creatures referenced in the game.  It would have been somewhat more believable if one of their Latin friends wised up rather than being presented as mindless partygoers only interested in alcohol and sex 24/7. Wouldn’t one of them have heard of the legend of the “Mamba” game at some point in their lives, growing up in Spain, and been able to take the reins of controlling the quickly spreading effects of its curse? Of course not, that would make too much sense. We need the aimless American surfer kids to be the smart ones regarding an ancient cursed board game especially since they’re in a foreign country where everyone routinely speaks English. (Huh?)

Eliza Dushku (again, in a bikini) during "Baywatch musical interlude"

“Open Graves” was oddly interspersed with bizarre “musical interludes” that made me think someone was paying homage to Europe’s strange obsession with “Baywatch” . There were these seemingly random moments where the camera focused on Eliza Dushku getting ready to surf with the sun shining through her hair and some cheesy rock ballad playing in the background. There scenes were definitely not needed and definitely distracted from the minimal “spooky” aura that the movie was attempting to achieve unsuccessfully.

"Mamba" game board

The concept of a “cursed” board game has potential as a focus for a good horror movie, and it has been done before, but it seems like common sense that the associated “game board” should be suitably scary in and of itself. In “Open Graves”, the “ancient” game board was supposed to have been fabricated centuries ago, out of the skin and bones of an executed witch. However, the game in the movie looked immaculate enough where it could have been just produced by Parker Brothers. The writing on the cards and “board” were very intricate, and as we learn later, were supposed to have been written with the blood of the executed witch. Considering that Erica and Jason learned how to play the game pretty quick without having an ancient voodoo priestess or the like, explain it to them, I guess there also must have been some “blood-written” instruction booklet included with the game that we never saw on screen. Those 17^th century religious fanatics were definitely ahead of their time!

Eliza Dushku pouting in cemetery

The premise of the game was that as the players moved around the spaces on the board, they could land on a space that instructed them to pick a card, and that card  would reveal if they were to live (play on) or die (be out of the game). The cards of “death” were inscribed with complex quatrains interspersed with Latin that described how the person was to die. As the player read these poems out loud, I had no idea what they were talking about. Subsequently I did not feel any “impending doom” awaiting their death because I really had no clue as to what their “warning” was. I felt the tension increase among the characters as they read their fate on the card, but I had no idea what it was predicting until after they died and someone explained exactly how the card “foresaw” the specific method of death they had succumbed to.

Eliza Dushku trying to look European

In general, the special effects were acceptable. They weren’t near as cheesy as your typical American-made Syfy movie fare. The explosions looked real, which leads me to believe that the laws regarding creating random explosions in public in Europe are a bit more lax than they are here. Also some good creepy make-up jobs, ranging from a guy who had his eyes clawed out by some crabs to a girl who ages to her death virtually overnight and explodes in a fountain of blood when docs try to do CPR on her. Even the “Mamba” game itself (a reference to the “Black Mamba” snake, which was one of the few extremely cheesy looking effects in the movie) was crafted superbly, looking like an artisan piece with some great calligraphy and miniature sculptures, despite the fact that it looked like it was made in this decade and not during the Spanish Inquisition.

Don't put these in your mouth

This brings me to another point that greatly disturbed me – Did anyone else not notice how often the characters placed the game pieces and cards up to their mouths or noses while they were playing the game? Seriously, even if they didn’t know it was supposedly made out of a witch’s skin and blood, they did get it from some creepy no-legged dude who ran a run-down, dark, dirty voodoo shop. I don’t know if I’d have even been touching those game pieces without wearing rubber gloves

"Open Graves" Spanish ad

The concept for “Open Graves” had potential, but unfortunately the movie couldn’t decide if it wanted to be about an ancient foreign curse or a musical tribute to Eliza Dushku’s bikini bod.  If it had stuck to being a movie about a centuries-old, cursed board game discovered by Europeans familiar with its legend, the storyline could have been developed much more effectively. Instead, the unfolding of the story was very disjointed, almost as if the storyline was continually interrupted to explain the presence of the American surf-kids, most notably Eliza Dushku in a bikini. The only thing really scary about this movie was basically the special effects, so I’m giving “Open Graves” 2 cheese wedges for taking itself too seriously to be entertainingly cheesy while at the same time, not taking its storyline seriously enough.

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